The Betrothal expanded
by slytherinsal
Summary: as requested from the drabble. When Pansy Parkinson opts for Ron Weasley as a suitable bridegroom to rescue her from abuse at home, it has a knock-on effect with Harry's life too as Pansy helps him understand his place in society and how to use it within the context of the Triwizard. Rated for mention of abuse.


**The Betrothal **

_The original of this went into Harry Potter and the whimsical drabbles and is one I was asked to expand. It's the first one I have finished. Warnings for mentions of sexual abuse. _

"Whaddya want, snake?" Ron growled at Pansy Parkinson. She had cornered him after Potions after Harry had been carted off for the wand weighing ceremony.

Pansy gave a hollow laugh.

"Ronald Weasley, I want ten minutes of your time which could end up with you being wealthy."

"What's the catch?" Ron was interested.

"The catch is having your father draw up a fool-proof betrothal contract in the old pure-blooded way, stating that the bride must be a virgin on her wedding night," said Pansy.

"Betrothal contract? Who for?" Ron goggled.

"You and me, obviously," said Pansy.

"You and me?"

"Please, Weasley, I'd be a compliant wife, have children, keep house, not notice any mistresses you had," said Pansy.

Ron blinked.

"But ... why?" he asked, absently checking out her budding assets.

"Because if I have a surefire betrothal contract to a pureblooded wizard my father won't rape me at Christmas," said Pansy, stung into honesty.

"Your _father? _ But fathers don't do that!" Ron went red.

"Are you really that naive?" hissed Pansy. "You were winding me up about the love bites I had on the train, they weren't from Malfoy, they were from my daddy dearest as he said goodbye to his _dear princess._"

"Fuck!" said Ron.

"Not yet," said Pansy. "But he said he would at Christmas. We would celebrate Yule in a _special way_ he said, and I knew what he meant. He touches me every night. Please, Weasley, I don't want to belong to a Death Eater in training like most of my house mates, please, I'll do anything you want."

Ronald Weasley was immature, but he wasn't immature enough to have a revelation that this would mean endless blow jobs in broom cupboards; he was, if nothing else, reared to be a gentleman, and he was his father's son even if he was unfortunately all too often also his mother's son too. His ears went red with anger.

"I'll kill him!" he screeched.

"Fine, but get me out of his house first," said Pansy. "And what's more you could be Parkinson-Weasley and have a seat at the Wizengamot when he's dead, and a really solid fortune."

"Bugger the fortune, real men don't behave like that!" shouted Weasley, surprising Pansy. "I'll write to my father right away. Um, will you marry me?"

"Yes, Ronald!" said Pansy, hugging him.

Pansy was quite a well developed girl, if not as much so as Millie Bulstrode and Ron rather enjoyed the experience.

Pansy sighed in relief as she felt him enjoy the experience. She was dreading sleeping with anyone but at least a boy her own age who she could manipulate to enjoy himself and be pleased with her would be better than her own father – or any of the other Slytherin boys. She had tried making up to Draco, but he, too, had revealed too cruel a streak. Ron was merely Gryffindorishly obnoxious, and that could be trained out.

"Look, I'm going to have to explain to Harry and Hermione," said Ron, seriously. "They're my best mates." He had forgotten he had quarrelled with Harry.

Pansy shut her eyes.

The humiliation!

"I don't want the mud ... muggleborn ... laughing at me, nor the boy-who-lived," she said.

"Pansy, mate, the muggles abuse Harry, and Hermione knows about it, but Dumbledore insists he goes back to them," said Ron. "They wouldn't laugh at you. They might help me kill your father, though," he added.

"The golden boy is abused? In a way that's priceless. But does Dumbledore know?"

"How would he not?"

"Ronald, how can you be loyal to someone who sends your best friend back to be abused, even if you don't believe he'd do the same to me if I went to him, twinkling away and telling me I've misinterpreted my father's great _love_ for me?" said Pansy.

"Did he do that?"

"Yes."

"But ... Dumbledore is the leader of light. We need him against Voldemort."

Pansy winced at the name.

"Ronald, if your father doesn't get that betrothal watertight, Dumbledore will make sure to split it because of the Parkinson family being dark. I don't want the dark lord back any more than you do, but Dumbledore does, because it means he can get to be a hero again. Everyone but Potter knows that he's Dumbledore's pawn to be sacrificed; it's why he hasn't been told about his family, or what the Potters meant in the magical world. Nobody is that uncouth and uneducated about his heritage on purpose."

"I guess I hadn't noticed because Weasleys reject a lot of pure-bred ideals."

"Well, I tell you what; I'll educate Potter in his place in the world if you'll help me, and Granger too, if you'll consider making a third light faction making sure Potter kills the dark lord, without being weakened into being sacrificed to do it," said Pansy.

Ron's ears were red again.

"He's manipulated us all along," he said. "All that business of the stone in the first year ... he must have known what was in the Chamber of Secrets in the second year, and it damn nearly killed my little sister! And he knows Sirius Black is innocent and he could have got him a trial instead of hiding him away! Pansy, we don't have one dark lord, we have two! Come on, we have to tell Harry and Hermione!"

Well, thought Pansy, he's not as stupid as he can look; he can add two and two together.

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"Harry, mate! You and Hermione need to hear something," said Ron.

Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Suddenly I'm your mate?"

Ron waved a hand.

"Oh, I was jealous. I'm sorry; but that's only a stupid conversation. This is deadly serious."

"I was serious about being afraid for my life," snapped Harry.

Ron stared.

"But ... but you're Harry Potter; you'll walk it," he said. "I have no doubt you will win; I wouldn't have been chosen, but I wanted the chance, y'know?"

"Ron, if I'd known how to do it, I'd have helped you put your name in," said Harry.

"Then are we good? Please, Harry, I need both of you to advise me. I'm going to get married."

"Ok, that is a fate worse than death, I admit," said Harry.

Ron got red about the ears.

"Don't insult my intended!"

Harry held up a hand.

"I was teasing; I didn't mean it," he said.

"Come and see Pansy; we need to tell you what's going on."

An hour later, and Harry and Hermione were very, very shocked, and Pansy was horrified to have broken down into tears and welcome cuddles from a mudblood.

She would return the kindness and drag Hermione into society so she would make a worthy Potter wife, if it killed her.

"And I really am sorry I was stupid and said I thought you'd put your name in, Harry, mate," said Ron. "Now Pansy has pointed some things out to me, I bet Dumbledore did it – or didn't stop someone else doing it."

"We're good, mate," said Harry. "And now we need to find out who would stand with us against manipulations. And we need somewhere private."

"Harry, the visiting schools have separate quarters. Demand some for yourself," said Hermione.

"Brilliant," said Pansy. "I see why you hang around with Granger, she can think outside the box."

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In the end, Harry sent Dobby to go and buy him a deluxe wizarding tent, with warming charms and a lot of room on the inside, and set it up outside.

"Mr. Potter, where are you going? It's close to curfew," said Madam McGonagall.

"Oh, curfew doesn't count for non-Hogwarts students, and either I'm a fourth contestant who is under the same rules as the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students, able to live outside the castle, or I'm not a contestant," said Harry. "However, I'm heading for my accommodation outside the castle now, and if the headmaster finds a way out of me contesting, I'll move back to my dormitory. I'm also exempt lessons, of course. So don't expect me to bother to turn up to any. I'll study on my own time."

Pansy was proud of him; she had coached him in the pure blood breeziness of manner so he might act just like this.

And she had managed to explain, tactfully, to Hermione, that her parents wouldn't much like a magical healer telling them they were healing teeth all wrong, and that changes that might be needed should be approached with full understanding of both ways.

Pansy did not want any changes, but on the other hand, changes like being able to ask for help about sexual abuse might be very nice.

McGonagall had gaped at Harry, but could not refute his claim, as she said irritably to Dumbledore later.

Dumbledore twinkled.

"I don't know what he has got set up, Minerva, but you mark my words, the boy will be back inside as the weather gets cold, in his cosy dormitory. He may have built himself some kind of shack but he'll be glad of the stone walls of the castle."

Minerva devoutly hoped so.

If she had seen the palatial inside of Harry's tent, and the stream of house elves wanting to feed him, and see to his creature comforts, she might have thought otherwise.

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Arthur Weasley was astounded when he received the impassioned, and detailed letter from his youngest son. His first impulse was to wish to denounce Peter Parkinson, but his son's arguments swayed him.

Arthur was no fool.

This would give his son wealth, which he could not, and this would help with some of Ron's feelings of jealousy towards Harry and others. It would bring a dark house into the light once Ron was head of the house, and would remove another young Slytherin from the likelihood of seeking Voldemort just to get revenge on her father.

How to arrange it was another matter. Peter Parkinson would laugh in his face.

Or would he?

There were a number of pure bred families with daughters only, who needed a watertight line continuation agreement.

There were a shortage of pure bred families who had spare sons. Well, actually, there was the Weasley family and that was about it.

Arthur grinned to himself.

Parkinson would smell a rat if he leaped into negotiations right away. He would negotiate for Percy, extolling his virtues, and mention all the other boys below William, and mention 'oh, and Ronald'. Parkinson would leap at Ronald as a boy who was looked down on, and would hope to mould him. Arthur's mother was, after all, a member of the Black family, and Arthur had a Slytherin streak when he needed it.

It worked like a dream, and Ron received a message carried by Errol that he and Miss Parkinson were now betrothed.

Hermione had read up about previous competitions, and decided that any potential hostage for any task needed protection. She wrote to her parents in great detail, with bullet points, and asked them to be ready to be popped to Gringotts by Dobby to set up a betrothal contract with Harry for her, since she had every expectation that being forced to compete had emancipated him.

Then she explained it to Harry and when he was being obtuse, she snogged him senseless until he was compliant.

Moreover, as his betrothed, she could legitimately share his tent and hide from any kidnap attempts, once Dobby had duly popped Harry and the Grangers in front of a grinning Griphook, who also presented a shell-shocked Harry with his head of house ring. Ron and Pansy were witnesses, and Ron received his heir ring to the House of Parkinson, which was stretching it a bit, but Arthur had written such a watertight contract that Ron was considered heir to the house of Parkinson if Pansy did not come to the marriage bed a virgin because of the penalty clauses in small print.

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Harry decided to use his prerogative to request advisers amongst his peer group.

"The other contestants have the support of their friends," he said to McGonagall, stubbornly.

"You would have their support if you returned to school," said McGonagall.

"No, ma'am; I feel under threat in school as there is ill feeling for me, which you have done nothing to alleviate," said Harry. "If you think I put my name into the cup, you couldn't punish me much more effectively than you are, by ignoring the bullying and letting me suffer the taunts and slights of other students."

"Harry, I believe you! I ... I did not want to make it worse."

"You could let it be known that you believe my word," said Harry, bitterly. "And you could probably stop the badges saying 'Potter Stinks' if you wanted to. You think I stink, and as soon as I can, I think I'm going to leave Hogwarts altogether."

"Harry, you cannot legally do so without your OWLs."

"Wrong. I can hire Lupin as a teacher, and take them independently," said Harry. "Besides, I don't need qualifications; I'm an adult. I wrote to Gringotts and asked. Fudge emancipated me by forcing me to compete. And to be honest, I might just go back to the muggle world anyway. Ron pointed out to me that everyone is always using me, just because I didn't die on schedule when I was a baby. Well, I'm within this much of walking away from the whole business, even if I lose my magic, and leaving you old people to deal with your old terrorist who shouldn't be the concern of teenagers. The UN has a dim view of child soldiers, you know."

"Now, Harry, you are being hasty ..."

"Hasty? When my life zipped past my eyes for being put into a dangerous competition against my will? When everyone seems to expect me to kill Voldemort when he turns up again? Would you like to be in my shoes?"

"No, Harry, I would not," said Minerva, softly. "Very well; you may have five advisors."

"Fine; I'll have Hermione, Ron, Pansy, Neville and ..." he thought hard, "Luna Lovegood."

"Pansy? Parkinson?" McGonagall was startled.

"Yes, why not? Nice girl, no colour sense, but nice girl," said Harry. "And I will need Professor Lupin as my responsible adult since nobody else in the castle is."

That wrung Minerva's heart.

"Very well," she said. "I will floo him to come and join you. The headmaster expects you will tire of your rebellion, you know. When it gets cold."

"In his dreams," said Harry. "He didn't even try get me out of this farce; he can whistle for me to trust him ever again, and when I can get away, I won't ever have to see him again."

"Oh, Harry," said Minerva. "I am sure he tried."

"Are you?" asked Harry, raising his eyebrows. "I'll let my friends know." And he walked away.

Ron, Pansy and Hermione were listening under the invisibility cloak.

"Oh that was priceless, Harry," said Pansy, giggling. "Leave the wizarding world? Really?"

"Didn't you think it Slytherin of me?" said Harry. "Ron, mate, your missus is brilliant; between her and Hermione we'll get through this just fine. If they think I'm planning on fleeing from the wizarding world, they won't for one moment think I am planning on being part of a political coup in the Wizengamot with you."

"We have to kill my father to get Ron the Parkinson seat," said Pansy.

Hermione managed not to shudder. She could not imagine the horror of having her father touching her up and worse. It was a betrayal of the worst kind. And to even want to discuss killing one's own father was horrible. Or at least, it was when you knew your father loved you in an appropriate way.

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Lupin tried to persuade Harry to be less antagonistic to the headmaster.

"Moony," said Harry, "Pansy knew that I could have been voided from the competition by my headmaster any time inside twenty-four hours. The reason most of the castle reviles me is because I did not 'choose to opt out'; which I would have done had I known I could."

"You didn't know? Sirius was convinced you had put your name in for a joke and decided to stay in for some mad reason of your own," said Lupin.

"No, Moony; because the headmaster told me I had to compete and that it was binding. And you still think this is the man I should trust? Also that all of Slytherin house knew it was a basilisk in my second year? Listen to Pansy; and scent that she tells truth," said Harry.

Pansy talked very fast, and clung to Ron's hand as Lupin's eyes yellowed.

Lupin was soon on board with the rest of them.

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Ron was shocked when Charlie told him,

"I'm here in my official capacity as you might say; I am sure you'll let Harry know."

"You mean he has to face a dragon?" gasped Ron.

"Now did I say so?" said Charlie. "Goodness, it is difficult persuading a nesting mother to do anything, though."

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"Harry, mate, my brother Charlie is here in his official capacity," said Ron, his freckles standing bold on his white, scared face. "I ... that means dragons for the first task. And nesting mothers at that."

"Dragons? Are they insane?" asked Hermione.

"Yes," said Harry. "Sorry, guys, but, this is confirmation of something I've been thinking for a while – that purebloods are nutters."

"I ..." said Pansy, "Er ... actually, I'm not sure I can dispute that."

"My family aren't," said Ron, red in the face.

"Your mother is not mentally well," said Luna, gently. "Not considering the howlers she thinks it appropriate to send."

Ron blinked.

"Even my Gran would not humiliate me in public, or consider it any of her business to send howlers to my friends, however badly she might feel they may have behaved, on no evidence," said Neville, gently.

"I ... well maybe," said Ron. "I guess I'm used to defending my dad, because people think his interest in muggles is weird."

"His interest in muggles isn't weird, but collecting batteries isn't ... well it doesn't help his understanding of muggles," said Harry, diplomatically.

"I don't think Mr. Weasley knows what questions to ask," said Hermione.

"I know he wants to know what is the purpose of a rubber ducky," said Ron.

"Purpose? It doesn't have a purpose. It's a child's toy," said Hermione.

"Really? I will write to him and let him know," said Ron. "Do you know what batteries are for as well?"

"Well, yes; they provide electricity to make electrical devices work, they hold a modicum of power, They run out of power after a while, which is why keeping a collection of used ones is like keeping ... oh, old portkeys which have been used," said Hermione.

"Dad is going to be pleased; nobody else has ever explained it so clearly," said Ron.

"There are some batteries which can be recharged, but they are no use without the charger," said Hermione.

"Sort of like a re-usable portkey but it has to be charged with your wand?" asked Ron.

"Exactly," said Hermione.

"This doesn't help Harry with dragons," said Neville.

"Do you think if Harry turned a rock into a hatchling and had it run away, the mother might want to pursue it to get it back in the nest?" asked Luna.

"Luna, that's brilliant," said Harry. "Now I just have to practise turning rocks into hatchlings."

"Well at least you know what hatchlings look like after the fiasco with Norberta," said Hermione. This had to be explained to Neville, Luna and Pansy, who were all horrified.

"Tell me I'm too Slytherin, but does that whole adventure of yours sound as though it was aimed at eleven year olds, right down to the groundskeeper who can't keep a secret?" said Pansy. "The headmaster is training you, Harry, and I don't like the way he's doing it. And why didn't he tell people the monster was a basilisk? Professor Snape told us he believed that was what it was, and told us not to meet its eyes."

"He knew?"

"And he told the headmaster," said Pansy. "Who forbade him to tell anyone, but he had already shared it with us all. How big was it really?"

"Come and look," said Harry.

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Harry's helpers stared at the dead basilisk in shock.

"That... bloody hell, mate!" said Ron.

"That's about a million and a half galleons in potion ingredients and meat and skin for armour," said Pansy. "There must be a way out to the forbidden forest for it to have hunted, even if it's blocked now; if we search for it you can contract the goblins to cut it up, and pay them to make you armour from it as well as to rend it down, and then you sell them the meat. It's perfectly preserved. If the tooth killed that book" – Harry had told those of his friends who did not know what had happened – "Then you should ask them to make you a dagger from the tooth with the poison sac included in case anything else connected to the dark lord needs dealing with."

Harry pondered.

Then he picked up the tooth and stabbed his scar with it.

Hermione screamed.

A dark vapour issued from the scar, a face of inimical evil to be seen within the shape of it, and Hermione slashed at it with the tooth which had fallen from Harry's hand. The cloud broke up with a thin scream.

Harry sat up.

"Don't you ever do that to me again!" scolded Hermione, in tears as she hugged him.

"Wow!" said Harry. "I feel like I'm lighter than I was before, and the whole world is crystal clear and ..." he took off his glasses. "And I can see better than I ever have before!" he said.

"You should have Dobby pop you to get some plain glass ones," said Hermione.

"I tell you what, didn't you say one task was about hostages?" said Harry. "If we can find another exit, the lot of you can come here the day before, and Dobby can feed you, and then none of you can be used. Am I rescuing a hostage from a ruddy dragon?"

"Unlikely," said Hermione. "That's the test of courage, not the test of loyalty."

"Well, let's find the other entrance – brilliant idea, Pansy! – and we can use this as a hideout," said Harry.

Harry argued that his helpers should be excused lessons too, to help him train and for once, Hermione did not demur. They cleared the caved-in tunnel to the Forbidden Forest, and Harry went with Dobby to get clear glasses and to arrange for the carcass to be dealt with. The profits were to be split ten ways; one tenth each to Harry and his friends, after the costs of a basilisk hide suit each, and 10% of the potion ingredients to Harry, one tenth to Remus Lupin, one tenth to the goblins in lieu of pay to encourage them to get a good price, and the remainder to go between the victims of the basilisk. The shed skin itself would also make fair armour and would fetch a good price.

"Why are you giving equal shares to me?" asked Pansy.

"How about because you are standing by me, and being really good for my mate Ron?" said Harry. "I'm not used to people standing by me except Hermione ... and Ron mostly."

"I can be a prat," said Ron. "But ... but I guess I'm seeing things in a bit more perspective now."

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Harry wore his basilisk armour under his robes for the first challenge, and was unsurprised to draw the largest and fiercest dragon. The Hungarian Horntail was scarily big, but Harry swallowed and took Luna's advice, ignoring Moody's suggestion of using his broom.

He transfigured a rock near the eggs into a cross between the Horntail and his memories of Norbert, confunding the small creature to run out of the nest and to elude the adult female dragon. It distracted the dragon.

Harry transfigured another rock further away, and the nesting mother was seriously distracted. Harry activated disillusionment runes sewn into his robe by Hermione, and strolled over to collect the egg, and stuffed it under his robes so it was also hidden. Then he strolled out and de-activated the runes.

"Wait – Potter is out of the arena, and he has the egg!" cried Bagman. "Never saw that coming!"

"Never saw me going, either," murmured Harry to himself. Seeing Rita Skeeter, he re-activated the runes and hid the egg again, and tiptoed away.

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"It's Mermish," said Luna as Harry hastily reclosed the egg. "You need to listen to it under water."

Harry was not about to dispute anything Luna suggested; she had got him through the first trial with flying colours. Having listened to the message, Harry was even more determined to hide his friends away.

"We need to give the house elves specific orders not to collect any of you on the orders of the headmaster or the house heads," said Harry. "And I think we might move the tent into the Chamber of Secrets now that the basilisk is gone, because the winds are sharp this far north, and I'll feel safer if we were in somewhere defensible." They had hung a door with the aid of the elves to cover the passage to the forbidden forest, and warded it with a password. The password was, on Harry's insistence, something too muggle for Dumbledore to think of, and was, incomprehensibly to anyone but Hermione, 'Shake 'n' vacc'.

Just in case Dumbledore could hear Harry's name the way Pansy told them that Voldemort could hear his, Harry sat down with a pencil and declared that if Voldemort was allowed childish anagrams, so was he, and he was now Major Star, The Prey. And if Tom Riddle could drop the 'I am' from his anagram, he, Harry, could drop 'The Prey' and hope it wasn't going to happen, and be known henceforth as 'Major Star'.

"And a sight more dignified than 'flees death', said Hermione.

"Laugh it up: I was toying with 'Parterre Oath, JMS', 'PR Oath-Tryer' with just Harry Potter, and 'Merry Top Hat Jears'," said Harry. "The only other one I could come up with was 'Jape thy rotor smear'."

"Oh Harry," said Hermione, and kissed him.

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Hermione was, of course, to partner Harry for the Yule ball, and Harry made arrangements with Dobby that they would be going to the Grangers' house as soon as it was over.

The ball went well enough; Hermione had taught Harry how to dance, and Pansy had taught Ron. Neville already knew, but was not averse to practising with Luna. And Pansy caught a beetle.

"I'm not keen on Hagrid, but he is a friend of yours," she said. "This is Rita Skeeter; Draco was telling her all sorts of things he should not. She's an unregistered animagus."

"Unbreakable jar time," said Hermione. "And then we decide whether to give her to an entymologist or whether just to blackmail her."

"Oh, go with blackmail; it's more Slytherin," said Pansy.

"Or we could just step on a bug," said Harry, glaring at the suddenly terrified insect.

"Let's leave Pansy and Hermione thrashing out the details of an unbreakable vow for her," said Ron.

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Rita was going to have to wait in an unbreakable jar until next term, as Dobby popped Harry and Hermione to the Granger house as soon as the ball was over and before they went back indoors. Then he collected their luggage.

As the formal betrothed of the last of a noble and ancient line, Hermione was permitted to have the best wards money could buy on her place of abode, even though it was occupied only by her parents most of the time. The wards included a wizard-repelling spell so that wizards could not see it. Goblins had such spells as there were places they wanted to avoid wizards looking at. Muggles were not affected, so no problem for postmen, milkmen or pizza delivery. On Harry's insistence it also had specific wards geared to repel the Dursleys, just in case Dumbledore got clever enough to figure out why he couldn't find Hermione's house, or in case the Dursleys were used by death eaters.

After the ball, Ron, Pansy, Neville and Luna ran interference on Dumbledore with carefully co-ordinated uses of skiving snackboxes. Luna volunteered to have a nosebleed and managed to spray blood all over the headmaster's festive robes. Ron sacrificed himself for his friend by throwing up also on the festive robes, Pansy had loud hysterics and Neville waited until the mayhem had started to die down, then retrieved Trevor from where he had been placed earlier with a loud cry of

"Trevor! There you are! Why are you sitting on a pile of eggshells?"

This gave Pansy the excuse to renew her hysterics, which spread to most of Slytherin and some of Ravenclaw house, and by the time the headmaster was able to extricate himself and look for Harry it was so late that when everyone said he had already gone to bed, it was too late to demand to speak to him. Dumbledore contented himself with telling Minerva that he would see Harry first thing in the morning.

He was doomed to disappointment as he would not see Harry first thing next morning, and Minerva was somewhat distracted by why the common room fire had exploded, and an endless stream of firsties asking questions about lost property, clarification of homework, what time they had to be back at the station, whether it was true that they had to sacrifice one in ten of their Christmas presents to Peeves and whether this was the only time their holidays would be spoilt by stupid old balls they were not even allowed to go to. This piece of interference was co-ordinated brilliantly by Pansy, and all the firsties had extra spending money for a really simple question.

The tin lid was put on Minerva's concentration when Ron pulled a party popper filled with catnip.

She was still rolling around on the common room sofa purring when the train left.

Ron had paid Colin to take photos.

Dumbledore found her there when he went in search of Harry, who would surely have returned to the comfort of the common room for the holidays. Minerva giggled at him, and to his horror showed him her tartan knickers. He left, hurriedly; women in that sort of mood were more frightening than any dark lord.

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"I can't believe I came on to Albus," Minerva groaned later to Poppy Pomfrey.

"You know what catnip does to you, Minerva," said Poppy, severely. "Last time you had treed Severus on top of the telescope and you were undoing all the buttons on his shirt ."

"Don't remind me, Poppy," said Minerva. "I ... Ronald Weasley! He had one of those popper things. The twins! Again!"

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Dumbedore sent an elf to fetch Harry Potter.

"He's not in the castle, headmaster, sir," said the elf.

"He's in his hideout on the grounds, I suppose; you may go and get him," Albus smiled genially.

"Ohs, nos headmaster, elveses is not allowed in places belongings to other schools without permission of their headsteachers," said the elf.

The genial look disappeared.

"It is not another school, he is just playacting," he said.

"ohs nos, headmaster, the gobletty firey is sayings Harry Potter sir isn't at Hogwartses any longer, he is at anothers school," said the elf, earnestly. "Magic says so because Headmaster made Harry Potter expelleded and adulted by making him choose to compete."

Dumbledore stared.

"Magic say so?" he repeated.

"Yes, wese elveses feelses it," said the elf.

"Oh dear," said Albus. "Please take a message to, uh, Headmaster Lupin and ask him to bring Harry Potter to see me."

He was somewhat put out when the elf returned to say that Headmaster Lupin was not to be found.

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Headmaster Lupin was to be found toasting crumpets at 12 Grimmauld Place where Sirius Black was furious to discover how shamefully his godson had been treated. As the Order of the Phoenix had not been revived yet, Albus was having trouble remembering where the House of Black was situated since Sirius had raised all the deadly Black family wards, and removed Albus from the permitted list. So martial a manner had Kreacher cackling in glee, and he managed to tell blood-traitor master's wolf about the locket when Sirius and Remus were discussing how Harry had stabbed his own scar and the semblance of the dark lord came out.

Sirius promptly became maudlin about his brother, and Remus slipped out and telephoned the Grangers. A meeting was arranged to kill the locket in Gringott's bank which almost led to a nasty misunderstanding until Harry walked, hands empty and in view, up to the goblin with the axe and said earnestly,

"We know it's something bad but we want to destroy it somewhere where I trust people, and I trust the goblins."

A long talk with director Ragnok later and another item was discovered in an account which 'could be entered if Lord Black declared his cousin divorced."

"Which one?" asked Sirius. "Oh, never mind, I declare both Narcissa and Bellatrix divorced and I want the dowry back."

Kreacher was a new elf after being allowed to stab the locket, and Harry stabbed the cup.

"I do wonder if Albus is aware of these," said Sirius.

"More than likely," said Lupin. "He keeps trying to contact us by floo; should we let him?"

"Yes, but not to come through," said Sirius.

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"Sirius! I was beginning to think something was wrong!" said Albus .

"Oh, these wards are a bit self-willed," said Sirius. "I wouldn't try to come through if I was you, they can be ... oh dear, well I did warn you. Can't help it if you won't listen."

When Albus came round in the hospital, Poppy said,

"That was very foolish, Albus, to try to step through unstable wards when Sirius had warned you not to,"

"I didn't realise he meant it," groaned Albus.

"Really, Albus! People don't usually joke about unstable wards! You're lucky he was able to floo me and send me to your office!"

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When Albus had recovered he flood Sirius again.

"Albus! Glad you recovered. I still haven't fixed the wards," said Sirius. "You haven't fixed for me to have my name cleared yet so I can hardly swan into Gringotts to hire wardmasters. What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Have you seen Remus lately?" asked Albus.

"Why, yes, Albus," said Sirius.

He did not volunteer any more information.

"Has he been to see you?" asked Albus.

"Yes," said Sirius.

"When?" asked Albus.

"Why, today," said Sirius.

"Do you know how to contact him?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then would you do so? I want to talk to him."

"Oh, you should have said," said Sirius. "Remus, Albus wants to talk to you."

"What, now? I'm comfortable," said Remus.

"I'll turn your chair round," said Sirius. "He can look up."

Remus was swivelled to face Albus. He let his magazine drop down so it filled most of the view from the fireplace. It was a pair of very large breasts which bounced distractingly.

"Remus! What are you doing here?" demanded Albus.

"Drinking wine ... eating cheese ... not taking the rays as it's the wrong sort of venue," said Remus, who watched muggle films.

"But who is looking after Harry Potter? Is he with you?"

"None of my business; I'm only his headmaster. What he does in the holidays is up to him," said Remus. "Did you disturb my afternoon erotic moment to talk about Harry? It's none of your business you know."

"The wards at the Dursleys went down!" howled Albus. "And when I went to find out, they had no idea where he was! He's not in school!"

"Where's Colin Creevey?" asked Lupin.

Albus stared. "You think Harry is with the Creeveys?" he asked.

"No," said Lupin. "I just asked."

"Why?" asked Albus.

"Well, it's as relevant for me to ask where one of your students is as it is for you to ask for one of mine," said Lupin. "It's downright creepy the way you obsess about the boy, Albus. Reminds me of Aberforth and his goats."

Albus broke off the connection in a fine old temper.

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The Creeveys were not happy to have their holiday interrupted, indeed further interrupted after the fiasco of the children staying late for the Yule Ball.

"And had we been informed about that in good time we wouldn't have lost a great deal of money having to cancel a holiday which was not refundable, for some stupid event neither of my boys had anything to do with," said Mr. Creevey, forcibly. "As to where the Potter boy is, I neither know nor care, and what the hell has it to do with you? If he didn't go home to his relatives, he's probably having the time of his life somewhere. You get out of my home, and stop spoiling things for my family and go and get a life."

Dumbledore found himself firmly eased out and the door shut on him.

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Next he tried the Burrow, where Molly was guaranteed to fuss herself into a bother over a missing Harry Potter. She sent for Ron.

"Ron, do you know where Harry is, dear?" she asked.

Ron looked confused.

"I don't know," he said.

"Did he say anything about his holiday plans?" asked Dumbledore.

Ron frowned.

"I'm not sure," he said. "Is Osaka a place? He mentioned it."

"_Osaka_?"

"Oh, well I probably heard it wrong," said Ron. "it might have been Ohio. I wasn't listening; I was playing chess, and Harry can be boring."

"Well, he can't have meant it, I am sure I would have heard if he had got an international portkey," said Dumbledore.

"Oh, I don't think Harry's heard of them," said Ron. "To tell the truth I didn't want to listen in case I had to tell dad all about Hairy Plums that fly through the air. Harry reckons they go faster than brooms, but that can't be right. Can I go now?"

Albus groaned.

Of course the boy wouldn't know about wizarding forms of transport.

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He went to see the Grangers, and found he couldn't be bothered to look.

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Draco Malfoy was not having a good holiday.

An official owl announced his parents' divorce on the orders of Lord Black, and brought a notice of a custody hearing for the sole child of the marriage, contrary to betrothal agreement, since Lord Black claimed that the Black family had a right to their heritance through Narcissa Black, and that Lord Black's solicitor would be open to a settlement out of court if Mr. Malfoy cared to pay penalty clauses for his failure in the marital bed.

Lucius cast the cruciatus curse on Narcissa for permitting this, not listening to her pleas that it was nothing to do with her, and declared that he was keeping the boy, and would be damned if he would pay any penalty charge.

The court decision therefore went against him as he failed to turn up. Narcissa was housed comfortably in a house befitting a Black maiden aunt, with a lot of comfort and her own elf, and Draco Black was stripped of being heir to the Malfoys and a cease and desist order was sent to Lucius to give up the Black child or be prosecuted for kidnapping the scion of one of the Sacred Seven.

Lucius swore blue murder and sent Draco, with none of his belongings, on the Knight Bus, confused and frightened. Then he went to see Peter Parkinson to demand Pansy in marriage, and discovered that Arthur Weasley had managed a betrothal contract so watertight that if Lucius married Pansy, Ronald Weasley would still inherit the Parkinson name and wealth, and Pansy would be stripped of her name.

He raged, but to no avail.

Peter Parkinson was no help.

He sincerely believed that he could persuade the Weasley boy to let him sleep with Pansy, and was pressing for as early a marriage as was legal, which in old blood was fourteen for a boy and twelve for a girl, a state of affairs which had been changed under muggle law in 1889, but Peter Parkinson neither knew or cared about muggle law.

Pansy was pressing for an early marriage too, at the end of the school year.

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"Well, Draco, I will be generous, but there are conditions," said Sirius.

"You're an escaped convict!" said Draco.

"Wrong," said Sirius. "To be a convict, one has to have been convicted. And I never was; and my lawyer is taking that up with the DMLE. But to go on; I will be generous, but your continued bating of my godson, your cousin Harry Potter ceases."

"My father will get me back, he is wealthy ..."

Sirius laughed.

"He was wealthy. I took back the Black dowry. Your father will have trouble keeping his place in Wiltshire up on what the Malfoys have. They never were as wealthy or prominent as the Blacks; it was a coup for him to marry your mother. He is nothing. I, on the other hand, am the richest person in England. You can play by my rules or I will cast you out of the family. I would pay for your schooling but as Draco No-Name. You are Draco Black on my sufferance. Learn to be a Black. Harry is your best ally against being forced to kiss the hem of any incarnation of Tom Riddle, whom you know as the Dark Lord, and worship a half-blood who has used the fears of purebloods to punish them for rejecting him – all whilst believing that he shares their agenda. What, did you think that my brother and I did not do our research? He even joined up to get information."

"Tell me more, please, sir," said Draco, who managed to find his Slytherin side rather than a tantrum.

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It was a little odd, on the way back to school to have Draco come into the carriage without his goons and show bare hands.

"Greetings, Lord Potter, Heir Parkinson, Bride Parkinson, Bride Potter, Heir Longbottom," he said, carefully, having been filled in on a few things by Sirius. "I would like to pledge allegiance to you."

"Greetings, scion Black," said Harry, who had also been briefed by Sirius. "We make you free with our first names."

"Thank you, cousin Harry," said Draco.

"Blimey, what's happened?" said Ron.

"His father was divorced by Lord Black and came to demand I marry him. Uuggh!" said Pansy. "You'd better lose the attitude, Black, or we won't associate with you."

"Mother and Lord Black say that Father was grooming me to kiss the robe of a half-blood out for vengeance on the purebloods," said Draco.

"And really, you don't want to be associated with someone who is defeated by wards on a baby, an eleven year old and a twelve year old," said Harry. "I killed the body he was in when I was eleven, and destroyed his attempt at rebirth when I was twelve."

"Right," said Draco. "Would you shake hands this time if I offered it?"

"So long as you accept my friends," said Harry.

"Mother at least doesn't cast the cruciatus curse on me if I get lower grades than a mud ... muggle born," admitted Draco.

"Well now you've admitted that, we can start again," said Harry.

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Harry and friends chose to sit on the Hufflepuff table, where Draco tentatively joined them.

"What are you doing here, Potter?" hissed Susan Bones.

"Heir Bones, I believe you labour under the misapprehension that I knew that I could back out of the competition inside twenty-four hours," said Harry. "However, having been raised as a muggle, I had no idea and the headmaster insisted I compete. If you would care to let me have a badge reading 'support Diggory, Dumbledore stinks' I would accept one. I have suffered a term of your unjust despite through a lack of knowledge which was not my fault. Justin, did you know I could back out?"

"Not until Sue told me," said Justin.

"And do you expect any other muggle born to know?" Harry glared at Sue.

"But you're not muggle born!" said Sue.

"Do you know when I discovered I was a wizard? On my eleventh birthday," said Harry. "And I didn't even get the orientation pack muggle borns have. I have had, until Pansy started teaching me, less knowledge of the wizarding world than a muggleborn. I did not know."

"Oh!" said Sue. "I ... I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted," said Harry, inclining his head.

"Mr. Potter, what are you doing at this table? Go back to your own table, and you others," said Dumbledore, coming over.

"Oh, have you set up tables for the other schools? Will you be asking Victor and Fleur and their friends to go to their own tables?" said Harry.

"Harry, my boy, you've had your fun, now just stop insisting ..."

"I am not insisting, Magic insists, since you expelled me by insisting I compete," said Harry. "My friends have enrolled with me, at least for the duration of the competition, in the Shamanic and Hermetic Institute of Thaumaturgy."

This took a while to sink in with his friends, and did not sink in at all with Albus who was not used to acronyms other than the rather silly ones used for exams.

"It does not exist," he ground out.

"On the contrary, Headmaster, it does exist. Headmaster Lupin registered it when he became headmaster," said Harry. "You will find that the fees of my friends have gone to their current school, and it is why we are wearing our own uniform."

Albus had not noticed, and did a double take. All of them, including Draco, who had brought the robes to change into, if he was accepted, were wearing brown robes more like those of Jedi than wizards.

Harry and Hermione had leather jackets with theirs, which had a wolfshead on the back.

Albus stalked back to his throne in a temper.

"Why have you done this, Remus?" he demanded.

"Well, you expelled Harry, and although he is emancipated as well at the same time, I thought it unfair that he shouldn't have some schooling," said Remus. "And the parents of his friends agreed to let their offspring join him."

It had taken some juggling with Parkinson, but to keep Ronald happy, he had agreed.

Albus ground his teeth again.

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While Albus was focussing on trying to regain control of Harry, Sirius' lawyer was quietly and efficiently setting up meetings to demand why his client had never had a trial, and to ask what evidence there was against him.

This would have won less interest from Prime Minister Fudge had not all the bribes from Lucius vanished. That the lawyer told him that he was authorised to issue a large monetary reward running to four zeroes if new evidence was found had Fudge demanding a retrial ...er, a first trial ... for Sirius Black, with pensieve evidence from sundry children permitted.

Sirius had no problem with outbidding Malfoy.

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Susan's aunt, Amelia, came up to Hogwarts to meet with Headmaster Lupin. Albus had a vindictive moment and hoped she planned to arrest him for some werewolf's activities. However she did not speak to Albus at all.

Albus had no idea, since she had vanished from his wards' ken, that she was visiting the Chamber of Secrets to take penseive memories from Ron, Hermione, Harry and Lupin himself. It was pretty clear. She also had checked that Sirius was a sworn godfather; which meant he could not deliberately harm Harry without dying.

She was ready to go to trial, and Percy Weasley would also be a witness with regards to his rat. It just had to be a Wizengamot meeting when Albus was tied up.

The day before the second task would do nicely.

Albus received a polite invitation to attend the Wizengamot to go over some old business. He declined.

He was far too busy wondering how to find out where Harry's friends were sleeping so that one of them could be made into a hostage.

He mentioned it to Lupin.

"I wouldn't if I was you, Albus," said Lupin. "Harry asked Hermione to marry him. That makes her the betrothed of the last of the line of one of the Sacred Seven. Pansy is betrothed to Ronald and he is Heir Parkinson."

"What? How could Arthur permit that?" Albus was shocked.

"The chance to steal a dark house to the light because Pansy fancies his Ronald? I thought it very astute of him," said Remus. "But the betrothal is watertight, Arthur is no fool and he did not want Parkinson weaselling around it. Draco is a Black, and you do not want to irritate the Black family. Neville is also the last of one of the Sacred Seven, so touch him at your peril; like Hermione, Pansy and Ronald, it's lifetime in Azkaban for line theft. And I don't think you want to irritate Xeno Lovegood either by touching his child."

"Well then, you are going to have to be his hostage, or Sirius."

"You realise that I am immune to most calming potions, and panicking could have me turn and kill merfolk?" said Lupin, mendaciously. "And Sirius is also a lord of one of the Sacred Seven."

"Well who can I put down there?" said Albus, petulantly.

"As it's worded as 'what you'll sorely miss' not 'who you'll sorely miss' why not put the brooms of the boys and Fleur's manicure set?" said Remus.

"But traditionally ..."

"But traditionally, fourteen year old boys are not tricked by wicked old men into competing," hissed Lupin. His eyes had gone yellow, and Albus paled.

"I'll think of something," he muttered.

Lupin made a point of calling Dobby to tell him to refuse to be a hostage, that it would not please Harry Potter whatever headmaster whiskers might say.

Foiled on using Dobby, who popped away before he could be captured, he asked Minerva, who caterwauled – he could describe it no other way- and threatened to scratch his eyes out.

Albus made a trip to Little Whingeing.

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Albus was not happy when the morning's headlines declared that Sirius Black was exonerated and had been compensated by the Wizengamot with a ninety-nine year freedom from taxes for him and his heir.

How was Harry to be persuaded to die if he had Sirius?

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"You expect me to miss the aunt who hits me with a frying pan, and who is going to beat me half to death for being made to be a part of this? Thank you, no," said Harry. "I wouldn't miss her anyway, not in the least, so you've reneged on the terms of the contract. Does that mean you will lose your magic?"

"Come now, Harry, surely you love your aunt really?" Dumbledore forced a twinkle.

"I despise and dislike her with every fibre of my being," said Harry. "And by the way, Madam Bones! Madam Bones! I'd like the headmaster indicted for muggle baiting in placing a muggle at the bottom of the black lake. Will you have aurors retrieve her? There, Albus, that's my means of getting her out. I'm not risking touching a muggle with magic."

"Albus Dumbledore!" Amelia was horrified, and signed for some of her people to go after the hapless woman.

"Why, she's not really a muggle, more a squib," said Albus. "She did not have enough magic to come to Hogwarts, but she's not really a muggle."

"I'll be checking that," said Amelia. "Your father went to Azkaban for life for muggle baiting, Albus Dumbledore."

"But I love muggles!" said Albus.

"I don't want to know about your sex life," said Amelia, rudely.

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Petunia Evans was indeed found to be a squib, which shocked her when Amelia told her, and apologised on behalf of the wizarding world for the high-handedness of Albus Dumbledore.

"Can I prosecute him?" asked Petunia.

"As I've had the services of a wizarding solicitor offered to you under certain conditions, yes," said Amelia.

"What conditions?"

"To sign away any claim of kinship upon Harry Potter," said the quiet man in the corner.

"Give me the papers," said Petunia. "We never wanted the freak."

"Oh, but you're a freak too," said Eusebius Weatherwax, the Black family lawyer. "And there's evidence you could have been a hedgewitch if your core hadn't been bound; equally your son's core is bound to stop him being a wizard, which is why he overeats, to compensate, and why he will die before he is thirty."

Petunia paled.

"Weatherwax! Are you holding out on me?" demanded Amelia.

"Not at all, dear lady; I just told you," said Weatherwax. "And if you wish to prosecute for child abuse I have the relevant signature recorded."

"I don't want my son to die even if he has to be a freak! What am I going to do?" demanded Petunia.

"Well, Madam Dursley, Lord Black is prepared to house you in a safe house while you divorce your husband – I will be happy to act for you - and while young Dudley gets used to handling wild magic and gets settled in to the magical world."

"What's in it for you and Lord Black?" asked Petunia.

"I get paid; and Lord Black is the godfather of Harry James Potter, and he had a number done on him by Dumbledore too, and is out for revenge, legally," said Weatherwax.

"Nice to see a Black do things legally; though he was an auror once," said Amelia.

"Well, my dear lady, the motto of the Black family is _Toujours Pur_, and Lord Black tells me this he intends this to refer to his reputation, legally speaking. And he wished me to remind you that it is not illegal to hire sixteen muggle dancing girls providing they see no magic, and are paid a fair rate in legal muggle coin of the realm."

"Well really!" said Petunia.

"Knowing Sirius Black he only said it to try to shock us," said Amelia.

"Sirius Black? He's a lord?" Petunia paled. "James Potter's friend?"

"Yes, and he said that helping you was by way of an apology for immature behaviour which might have contributed to your treatment of Harry," said Weatherwax. "He wants to set things straight with you, so that you will not feel a need to take out any more frustration on his godson. As well as taking down Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore left the boy on our doorstep without even talking to us," said Petunia. "And we left him at an orphanage several times and he was always returned."

"Well then! The enemy of my enemy is my friend," said Weatherwax beaming.

"I wouldn't go that far," said Petunia. "But I'll be civil to the boy and see that Dudley is too. We are related after all."

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Harry's method of retrieving his aunt was reluctantly declared valid after the hour had passed and he was able to cast his patronus still. He had sent Dobby to help Fleur rescue her sister, and suggested to M. Delacourt that he speak to the Black family lawyer about unauthorised kidnap of vulnerable people like children and squibs.

"Now, look here, Harry!" said Dumbledore, laying a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"HELP!" cried Harry, "He's abducting me!"

Several aurors glowered at Dumbledore who took his hand away as if it had been scorched.

As a matter of fact, it had. Petunia's affirmation that she would be civil to Harry and that they were related had revived the rather dodgy blood wards, and as Dumbldore's intentions were not friendly, Lily's protection went into effect.

This disturbed Dumbledore more than a little. He meant well, after all. Didn't he?

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"Mr. Potter! A word?" The horribly scarred visage of Moody inserted itself in front of Harry. "May I ask why you didn't even try to help your aunt? Do you hate her so much? It will be a lot of catching up for the third task."

"I don't give her enough time of day to hate her," said Harry. "You hate aubergine; irritants like my aunt or Voldemort you merely despise."

Barty Crouch the younger stifled the wince; his master would have heard that.

"But you did not feel able to use her for a good mark?"

"And if anything had happened to her? I'd have been up for muggle baiting, because Dumbledore is the Teflon Wizard."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's a muggle cooking-implement coating; nothing sticks to it," said Harry.

"Oh, aye, I see," said Barty, who had a sneaking fondness for some muggle expressions, or at least the more picturesque ones. "I know I'm not supposed to help Cedric, but as you are from another school now, nothing to stop me helping you."

"Thanks," said Harry. "I think I have it all under control though. Best thing Dumbledore ever did for me, breaking my ties to him."

"He's not as light as he'd like to pretend, even to himself," said Barty.

"No," agreed Harry.

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Easter was spent on some exotic island which Sirius happened to own, along with the Grangers, Luna and her father, Ron and Pansy, Draco and his mother and rather bizarrely, Dudley and Petunia.

Neville's gran would not permit him to come, and Neville raged so much he blew up his father's wand, and when Augusta took him to buy a new one which permitted his power out he was having so much trouble controlling it that Augusta was terrified of what he was going to do to her for having unwittingly trammelled him.

"Harry," said Dudley, "I dunno what Lord Black did but I don't hate you now. He said he took off blocks and compulsions."

A brief wave of accidental magic from Harry ripped the leaves from a few bushes.

"He put a compulsion on you to hate me? I will see him in Azkaban!"

"Yeah, Mr. Weatherwax said the same thing," said Dudley. "I don't miss Dad, you know; I thought I would, but he never did dad things with me. I've seen more of Mr. Weatherwax, and he took me to a Quidditch match. It's brill! Can I have a go?"

"Sure, we have brooms here," said Harry.

Dudley was never going to be a seeker, but he had the makings of a useful beater. He also listened perplexed but accepting to Luna.

So far as he was aware the whole universe might be full of blibbering humdingers. And as being a nargle described fairly well what he now felt about his former behaviour, he was happy to accept Luna's sometimes odd linguistic short-cuts.

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Sirius was summoned back early to attend a Wizengamot meeting with two objects; one to appoint a temporary Prime Minister and secondly, the trial of Albus Dumbledore for muggle baiting – Vernon did count – child abuse, child abuse by proxy, [which usually meant through the use of the Imperius Curse but also covered the despite towards Harry caused by his little compulsions] , and kidnap. There was a need for a new Prime Minister since as Fudge did not stay bought, Lucius had been rather in a snit. Officially Fudge had committed suicide by misuse of muggle item, as he was knocked over and thoroughly landscaped by a muggle mowing machine when he accidentally apparated to a muggle golf course.

Dumbledore might have managed to be his Teflon self had not Sirius had Kreacher thoroughly dose the headmaster's lemon sweeties with veritaserum. His musing that Harry Potter needed to be kept hopeless enough to die willingly at the hand of Voldemort caused an uproar. He rambled about horcruxes and why Harry had to die. He admitted as well that he knew that his DADA teacher was under Polyjuice, and that having Harry's blood in ceremony to revive Voldemort would weaken the dark lord, and that was why he hadn't interfered with Barty Junior's plans. Barty Junior was arrested by Aurors sent through the floo, and also talked under Veritaserum.

Dumbledore found himself sentenced to life in Azkaban.

Naturally he did not intend to do any time and called Fawkes. It was his bad luck that Fawkes had just had a burning day when somebody invisible had fired an antique muggle weapon called a PIAT [Projector, Infantry, Anti-Tank] in the window of Dumbledore's study after he had left for the wizengamot.

Kreacher had had great fun on a broom under Harry's cloak. Unlike modern anti-tank weapons the PIAT has no back blast, being spring loaded. Kreacher had gone on a bit of a wild ride when the kick of the weapon had exerted a degree of Newtonian Physics on his slight form, but it was all part of the fun.

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Kreacher liked the boom so much he was ready to volunteer his services to make other booms. Peter Parkinson lived in a house warded against almost any kind of magical skulduggery you could imagine, but not against a PIAT through the window. Ron was now essentially Lord Parkinson and could request his head of house ring and emancipation and immediate handfasting to Pansy. Before Amelia could lead an expedition against Voldemort in Little Hangleton, Voldemort, Peter Pettigrew and Nagini died of PIAT. Aurors found the mayhem, obliviated muggle police and made the assumption that this was some kind of magical experiment which had gone wrong. They discovered the shack and Auror Dawlish put on the curious ring there, and lost his hand, but not his life, thanks to the quick wits and fast cutting spell of Nymphadora Tonks. Amelia turned the ring over to the Unspeakables, who found the final horcrux in Hogwarts school.

"And that," said Amelia in a press conference, after having been elected Minister of Magic, "Is why Dumbledore became a dark lord. In overseeing the wards of Hogwarts, his great and noble mind was affected by the evil of the soul fragment of the dark lord, Tom Riddle."

"Do you believe that, Amie?" asked Sirius when she stepped back from the microphone.

"Not for one instant; pride and hubris are far more logical, but it sounds better to ascribe it all to Riddle," said Amelia. "Sirius! Haven't you grown out of spells to undo girls' bras?"

"Nope," said Sirius. "Marry me, Amie!"

"In your dreams," said Amelia.

"They are very wet ones," said Sirius.

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The third task was anticlimactic. Harry refused to go further than just inside the maze, and Cedric won. The three visiting schools departed, and Ron married Pansy and was foiled in his attempt to leave school when Sirius insisted that he needed classes in estate management. The Shamanic and Hermetic Institute of Thaumaturgy re-opened in Wales in September, and as most of its pupils needed lessons in Estate Management, it went on the curriculum along with politics. Luna and Neville got together, and in a surprise move, Draco and Dudley also handfasted.

Kreacher had something special planned for Lucius, for hurting a daughter of the family Black, and besides, Malfoy Manor was too pretty to PIAT. Kreacher had read about Acid Bath Haigh but failed to appreciate that his victims had gone into acid after they were dead. Lucius died a few inches at a time.

Sirius continued to ask Amelia Bones to marry him every year until she gave in.

_If you enjoy my Harry Potter fanfiction you will probably also enjoy my magical school series set in Elizabethan England. Bess and the Dragons and its sequels take place in a fantasy England in which Walter Raleigh, adventurer extraordinaire discovered dragon eggs; and brought them home. Bess, Diccon and Tangwystl learn magic and dragon care, whilst avoiding the plots of the evil Necromancer of Spain, and the common and everyday plots against the monarchy of Shakespeare's time. _


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